


You're Happier Aren't You?

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 19:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17107181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Steve Rogers is in love, actually, when he really thinks about it he has been for some time but when you’re Captain America what is the best way to protect the person who means the most to you?





	1. Chapter 1

Walking down 29th and Park with his baseball cap pulled down and his collar pulled up against the wind Steve was busy trying to clear his head when something made him stop. It was possible that he had seen you out of the corner of his eye, perhaps he had caught the sound of your laughter on the breeze, whatever it was he found himself looking across the street and felt his heart stop. It had been a month since he had last seen you and the memory of that last meeting had haunted him ever since. His whole body tensed as he saw your arm linked with the tall, dark, handsome man as he leaned in to say something and your face broke into such a bright smile it was if the grey day just melted away and when you laughed Steve’s heart ached. He used to make you laugh but as he watched you he noticed that you looked happy, truly happy, and it was as if a knife was being twisted in his gut. That smile that he had always felt was reserved for him was now being leveled at someone else and if he was being honest your smile was wider than he had ever seen. Steve remained frozen, watching you as your mystery man opened the door of the bar for you and followed you in. He didn’t even notice that it had started to rain as the people around him picked up their pace to get to their various destinations as if nothing had happened, totally oblivious to the man whose heart had just shattered into a million pieces.

It was your job in SHIELD to help potential members of the Avengers Initiative to ‘acclimatise’ as Fury so beautifully put it. You had helped Thor with elements of Earth culture and you had been invaluable to Steve introducing him to movies and music as well as technology but it had been the way you had embraced Bucky that had really captured Steve’s heart. You had been endlessly patient with his sullen friend without treating him like he might break. You had never shown any fear and somehow you gave Bucky exactly what he needed which was to treat him exactly the same as you did everyone else. Steve began to spend more and more time with you, finding your presence relaxing and reassuring. He often found his way to wherever you were when he returned from a mission, something which hadn’t gone unnoticed by his teammates. He had thought about asking you out, had played the scenario over in his mind a million times but then Hydra had attacked and you had been singled out as a possible weakness. The way the agent had taunted Steve as he held a gun to your head still gave the super soldier nightmares. The fear in your eyes and the helpless feeling that had threatened to overwhelm him knowing it was his fault you were in that position. That was when he realised he couldn’t be with you, it was far too dangerous. He began to push you away, found excuses as to why he couldn’t spend time with you. Bucky called him out on it of course, as did Sam, but he wanted to keep you safe and that meant keeping his distance. 

It had been during a heated discussion between himself and Bucky that the true damage was done. Buck had called him an idiot for passing up the possibility for even a little happiness and Steve had snapped. “You don’t get it. She’s the help Buck and I’m Captain America.” He saw Bucky freeze, his gaze fixed on the doorway behind him and Steve knew who was standing there. That one sentence taken out of context was damning and when he turned and his eyes met yours he knew the damage was irreversible. The pain and betrayal were written across your face and Steve couldn’t breathe.   
“I just came to let you know I’ve been reassigned for a while. Fury figured you didn’t need the ‘help’ around.” You had turned and walked away and Steve had let you. He could face bullets and diving out of planes without a parachute but he could not bear to be on the receiving end of that look of disappointment again. Not a day went by that he didn’t regret letting you leave.

The memory of your smile outside that bar kept tapdancing across his mind and as Steve sat at the counter in the kitchen with a cooling cup of coffee he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to realise he had completely missed what Bucky had been asking him. “Hey, Earth to Rogers.” He waved his hand in front of Steve’s face bringing him back to the present.   
“She looked so happy.” He sighed as he looked deep into his coffee as if it would provide some sort of an answer that would heal his heart. It was his own fault. He had broken his own heart by hurting you.  
“I know you miss her but it’s not like she’s gone forever, she’s just on an assignment. You know as well as I do that they want DareDevil to come play with the big boys and she’s got that way about her, the one that makes you feel like you’re just normal but at the same time like you can do anything.”  
Steve smiled at his friend. It was easier to just agree with him rather than tell him the truth, which was he had never been as happy as he was with you and he feared that Matt wouldn’t be backward in coming forward if he took a liking to you.

 

“I may not be able to see you but I know that you’re not happy.” Matt said softly as you took another swig of the bottle in front of you.   
“For a blind guy, you see far too much ya know.” You quip in an attempt to avoid the question you knew was coming.  
“So who was he?” You closed your eyes and let out a deep sigh. It had been stupid to fall for Steve Rogers and now you were paying the price for blurring the lines between work and personal life.   
“It’s nothing. I read far too much into things and he saw me as the help. My mistake and I will get over it.” Matt nodded, picking up on all the unsaid words that lingered in the air.  
“For the record, Steve’s an idiot if he can’t see what’s right in front of him.” Your brow furrowed as you wondered how he had put two and two together and come up with Steve. Matt just smirked as he took a sip of his drink, perhaps absence would give Rogers the wake-up call he needed or give you the space to get over him. Either way, it would be another month before you would all be in the same room.

Stark Towers was a beacon of opulence and, every since Pepper had left, was party central on an almost weekly basis. You were nervous walking back into the familiar building, grabbing onto Matts' arm a little tighter he frowned and placed a reassuring hand on yours. “We don’t have to stay long, just show my face, make some small talk and we can leave knowing we’ve done our duty for the evening.” he smiled and you took a deep breath as you entered the elevator.

Steve stood by the bar, his eyes darting to the elevator every few minutes. He had a plan. Well, it was more of a pl but that was a start. He was going to walk right over to you and apologize for being such an idiot, tell you he misses you, that you mean so much to him and if he ever made you feel anything less than amazing even for an instant he would do everything in his power to make it up to you, he would… The doors opened and you walked out, your arm linked with Matts and he was whispering something in your ear and there was that smile of yours, the one that broke his heart and he knew there was going to be able to talk to you. 

Although you were avoiding looking at Steve you were hyper-aware of where he was at all times as if your body was on high alert. You heard him laughing with Sam and Bucky, exchanging friendly insults with Stark and you were sure he was flirting with Sharon. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him leaning against the bar in that blue shirt of his that brings out his eyes and all the feelings of that night came crashing back. Excusing yourself with a flat smile you headed out to the empty balcony and gripped the rail as you blinked back tears. The sharpness of the cold on your skin was like hundreds of tiny papercuts and it helped to focus on that pain rather than the one in your chest as your heart broke all over again. Sharon was an agent just like you, same pay grade and everything, so what made you the help and her a potential love interest? You felt the warmth of an oversized jacket over your shoulders and you turned your head to see Matt gently rubbing your arms, heating you up against the chill. “He really hurt you huh?” your friend stated simply and you turned, allowing him to pull you into an embrace. No words were needed as Matt rested his chin on the top of your head and he wondered how he could help. You had become like a sister to him in the brief time you had known each other and it hurt him to feel you this broken.

Steve stared out of the window, watching Matt wrap his arms around you and for a moment his mask slipped. His eyes glazed over with unshed tears and the utter despair he had been feeling since you left was written across his face. Bucky frowned and followed his gaze before letting out a sigh. “He makes her happy.” Steve murmured. “I fucked up Buck. I really fucked up.” He pulled his gaze away from you and to the drink in his hands which he knew would do nothing to numb the pain he was feeling. Right then he knew he was in love with you and in that same moment he knew he had lost you, at least for now. All he could do was sit back and wait, see if Murdoch screwed up, made the same mistake he had by letting you go. He made himself the promise that no matter how long it took he would wait for you. Until then he would smile and hide the truth that he was, and always would be, happier with you.


	2. Better With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rogers pushed you away and now you both have to figure out a way to co-exist which is easier said than done.

You had put this moment off for as long as you could. Standing in front of Avengers Tower you took a deep breath and replayed the words of Fury back through your head, hoping just the memory of his tone would scare your feet into action. “You’ve had an extra month on this and Murdoch isn’t gonna budge now get your ass back here or find yourself another job.” Blinking rapidly you steadied your nerve and opened the door just hoping you could avoid crossing paths with Captain America for as long as possible.

Steve sat at the kitchen counter sipping his orange juice as his eyes scanned the report in his hand. “Soooo,” Bucky leaned next to him with a shit-eating grin as his friend looked up from the paper. “I heard that a certain someone is back today. I’ve already got a ton of questions I need her to answer for me.” Eagerly he pulled a notebook from his pocket to show Steve, excitement radiating from him. 

“Buck, she probably has a million things to be doing, she doesn’t need us around taking up her time with a pop quiz on things Tony has said we didn’t get.” He sighed and turned his attention back to the report.

“Well, I’m gonna ask her anyway. I’ve missed her Steve, and you can’t tell me you haven’t as well.” Lightly hitting him over the head with the notebook Bucky bounded off to wait by the elevator in the hope you would arrive on his floor first.

It wasn’t until lunchtime that you saw any of the Avengers. You’d been holed up in a debriefing with Fury all morning which was draining but at least it was a distraction from being in the same building as Steve. Your next stop was to check in with Tony, apparently, he had some new device he wanted installed on your phone. Stepping out of the elevator you heard your name shouted with excitement and before you could react your feet were dangling in mid-air as the breath in your lungs was squeezed out. “Bucky put her down, you don’t want her new boyfriend kicking your ass.” Sam called over and your friend released you from the mother of all bear hugs a little reluctantly. 

“I’ve missed ya kid.” He said softly and you couldn’t hide your smile.

“I’ve missed you too Buck.” You stroked his arm affectionately before glancing round him at Sam. “What’s this about ‘my new boyfriend’? You know something I don’t Sammy?” Raising an eyebrow at him and a look of confusion washed over his face so you looked up to Bucky. “Okay, what do you two think you know?”

“Well, you seemed pretty cozy with the devil at Tony’s party…” Bucky shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

“And you all automatically think that I must be sleeping with him. Nice.” The sarcasm dripped from your words and Bucky furrowed his brow as Sam stood up and tried to appease you.

“We actually thought he was punching above his weight so it’s good to know we are right thinking you’re too good for him.”

“Don’t think that’s got you out of my bad books birdboy. So, this something ‘everyone’ thinks?” The thought that Steve would assume you were with Matt weighted heavy in your chest.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Sam confirmed, sliding his hands in his pockets and having the good grace to look a little awkward.

“Great.” You sigh, your shoulders slumping. 

“Now we’ve got that out of the way I have a few questions.” Bucky took out his notebook and began to thumb through the pages as you chuckled. You really had missed these guys.

As the days progressed you found that spending time with Steve was painful. Either it was awkward and the weight of so many words unsaid made the air thick until one of you couldn’t take it any longer and made a feeble excuse to leave the room or it was just like it used to be which was possibly worse. There were moments when you found yourself laughing along with him or sharing a look but then you had to mentally chastise yourself. You couldn’t afford to go down that line of thought again, you knew your fragile ego couldn’t take it. That was one ship you could never climb aboard, it was the Titanic and you would be the Captain if you let yourself get swept away. The awkwardness was bearable, just about, it was the small acts of kindness that were slowly killing you, chipping away at your heart bit by bit. 

It all came to a head a few weeks later just hours before the team headed out on a mission. Tony had been giving you a light grilling which you were used to. He was nervous and that tended to come out as sarcasm and lectures. Standing in the lab you let his words wash over you, knowing full well he didn’t mean any of the barbs but then Steve just had to roll up as your knight in shining armor.

“Don’t talk to her like that Tony. She’s an important part of this team and from what I understand this is your screw up, not hers.” He had placed himself between you and Tony but when he referred to you as part of the team your frustration and anger with him bubbled over. Where the hell did he get off saying that to Tony when you both knew what he really thought of you.

“Please don’t be nice to me. I can’t abide you being nice.” Your tone was spikey, the word ‘nice’ spat out as if it was an expletive and both men looked at you a little surprised.

“I’m… I’m sorry?” Steve ventured, not quite sure how to respond.

“Are you?” you looked at him, eyes wide as a tiny part of you just wanted him to tell you he never meant those things and that he had missed you. The pause went from shocked quiet to awkward silence and you sighed. “Never mind, I’m just the help. Excuse me, Captain, Tony.” You nodded at Stark and exited the room as quickly as was politely possible.

“Oh, you really did a number on her.” Tony let out a low whistle between his teeth as he watched you go. Patting Steve on the shoulder he knew they didn’t have time to get into whatever it was now. “Time to suit up.”

The mission was a catalog of misadventures. Intel had them woefully underprepared and it was obvious as Stark began barking orders that Steve’s thoughts were elsewhere. Nobody got out of there completely unscathed and although they got what they needed it was hardly the great success they’d hoped for.

“So, you wanna tell me where your head’s at Cap?” Clint glanced over at Steve who sat in the co-pilot chair of the quin jet. Bucky was out for the count after taking quite a nasty blow while Nat and Sam checked on him and cleaned up their wounds.

“She hates me.” He sighed and they both knew he didn’t need to clarify who he was talking about. There was a moment of silence before Barton shook his head.

“No, she doesn’t, and I think that’s her problem.”

“I’ve got to fix this, how do I fix this?” There was a hint of desperation in Steve’s voice that hit a nerve with Clint. He was someone who observed and saw a hell of a lot more than he let on. He had seen you falling for Steve, had seen the confusion when he pulled away, saw the hurt just before you left and again at Tony’s party. He knew you had a damned good game face but just not good enough for him to miss those pained looks that flashed when Steve was around.

“She’s not just something for you to solve and then watch her fall for your charm. I’ve sat here for months and heard you talking about you, how you feel, how you fucked up, what about her?” Steve was taken aback by the force of Clint’s words and took a moment to think before he answered.

“I thought she was happy with Murdoch.” His voice was quiet and he remembered the heartache seeing you two together had caused him.

“Maybe she was, doesn’t mean they were anything more than friends. You need to decide what you want from that poor girl Steve because I get the impression you have her spiraling. You want her not to hate you, that’s fine, you want to be friends with her, then go for it, you want to finally tell her you’re madly in love with her and can’t live without her, then grow a pair and do it. Just make a decision and stick with it because she’s got troubles enough without you acting like an ass.” The rest of the journey was clouded in a heavy silence as Steve considered the options he’d just been presented with. Clint was right, he needed to make a decision.

Word had come through that there had been complications on the mission. You had hightailed it to the compound, knowing that’s where they would be landing, and awaited further news. Tony came back first. One of the many perks of being Ironman, you don’t need to share the jet. He let you know that everyone was okay but Bucky had taken a beating, might need some TLC. “Oh, and we were nearly coming back without Steve.” He shrugged before walking off leaving your mind to race over the possible meanings behind his comment. 

When the jet landed there was a med team ready and waiting. Sam was helping Bucky down the ramp when you ran into the hanger and headed straight for them. “Oh my god! Are you okay?” panic was written all over your face and Buck smiled at you.

“I’m gonna be fine, doll, you know me, I’m like that guy from that film Tony was talking about last week.”

“You are not the Terminator Buck, but I can see you’re gonna be just fine.” You smiled at him and then at Sam before checking Nat and Clint over. Steve watched your interaction with his friend and a pang of jealousy washed over him. Finally, your eyes landed on the super soldier and Tonys words came back to you. He looked exhausted, drained both physically and emotionally. You wondered what had happened and before you could engage your inner filters you were running over to him and throwing your arms around his neck. Your actions surprised him and he glanced over at Clint who frowned at him and then at Bucky who gave him a stupid grin and a thumbs up. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around you, hoping you wouldn’t think this was him being ‘nice’. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” You sighed and as he felt your warm breath on his neck he knew what his decision was.

“I love you.” His voice was low and for a moment you wondered if he had really said what you thought he had said. Pulling back a little you tilted your head and looked at him curiously. “I have never thought of you as ‘the help’, you have always been so much more to me than that and… I got scared. People around me tend to get hurt, they become a target and if something happened to you I don’t know what I’d do.” The words poured from him, his heart pounding in his ears as your expression didn’t change. “I am so sorry for ever hurting you. I love you.”

“You’re an idiot Rogers.” You shook your head and his face fell. “But you’re my idiot.” Cupping his face in your hands you raised up on tiptoe and lightly pressed your lips to his. “I love you too.” Steve hadn’t realised just how much hearing those words coming from your lips would affect him as he swept you up into a passionate kiss. Now he had you there was no way he was going to let you go.

“I heard you give him a little push so I figured I’d give her one too.” Tony smirked at Clint as they watched the pair of you finally confess your feelings.

“A little push?” Barton looked disbelievingly at Stark.

“I may have led her to believe that he could have died.” He shrugged and walked away as Clint shook his head.

“You’re just lucky it worked.” He called after him, deciding to give you and Steve a little space, things looked like they were getting a little hot but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with the moping.


End file.
